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Tying up Loose Ends

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As most of you will know, I recently turned 23. Which, in theory, is not a big deal. But, it was a big one for me this year. I was determined to use this birthday as a milestone of sorts to really arrange my affairs (sounds like I’m dying but aren’t we all, anyway…) and just tie up all my loose ends so that I could go into the new year without carrying the weight of all that has passed.

For years, I have convinced myself that there is still time. There is time to read that book I love. There is time to pray those prayers. There is time to sort that argument. There is time to let go of that grudge. There is time. In my head, there is always time. But the truth is, there isn’t. I don’t even know what tonight holds, let alone tomorrow, y’know? There truly is no time, but the present moment you are in. This is the only moment you can be sure of and therefore, if you want to do or say something, do it now. And that is exactly what I started doing a month before my birthday came by. I gave myself a 30 day limit to get my affairs in order and really sort out all the little petty grudges and arguments that have gone on for so long that they don’t even matter.

In this month I was also able to have a good hard look at my priorities and who I am at my core, and really just have a shift in perspective about the way that I am living in life. And it has been spectacular. I’ve been able to learn more about myself in this past month than I have done in a very long time, and I guess what I need to do is put it down to the  people who loved me enough to give me the space to go and grow through the things I needed to despite the distance I created between them and myself. It wasn’t intentional, but necessary. Often, I let my perceptions and views be clouded by the versions of reality which exist for the people I love and forget what truly matters to me. By having that space however, we were all able to let go of a lot of our dependencies on each other and really move forward into healthy adult relationships where we know we love each other to the moon and back, but we can also give each other the space we need to live independently of each other.

So I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes taking space isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes we all need it to remind ourselves of we are and what our version of reality is. And you know what? Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. So let go of that grudge. Read that book you love. Tell that person you think their smile lights up the room. Do what you need to do to make your heart lighter and appreciate the small moments around you. Life is shorter than we know it.

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Ayesha Khanom

Sometimes a teacher, sometimes a student, but mostly caffeinated. This blog is a terrible attempt at writing out my thoughts - think of it as the 'comments, complaints, and suggestions' section of my brain. Nevertheless, I hope that some of these words will find a place in your heart and will stay with you even when I do not. If you'd like to get in touch, send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment on one of these posts and I'll get back to you at the best possible time.

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