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Redefining the Norm

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Isn’t it fascinating how the moment you hit your mid-twenties, everything becomes tainted the colour of marriage? The same friends, the same love languages, the same beliefs, the same person through and through. And yet, everything changes. Every relationship is loaded. Every question a call to a version of an acceptable future. Every milestone awaited with bated breath lest it surpass the acceptable norms. Is it not exhausting? Are you not tired? Do you people not get bored? The same conversation over, and over, and over again.

“When are you getting married?”

“How many kids will you have?”

“Oh, you’ve been friends for a while, are you sure you’re not interested in each other?”

“You love them? Just get married then.”

“What will you even do with an education? You’ll have to be a mother anyway.”

“I can’t wait to dress up for your wedding.”

“You’ll probably let go of this career thing when you get a husband.”

“Will you live with in-laws or move out?”

“Bet your degree won’t hold your hand at night.”

“You’ve got to have kids in your twenties, your biological clock is ticking!”

“Wedding dresses always look so much nicer on skinny people, don’t you think?”

God, aren’t you all just sick of yourselves? Why are we as a society so obsessed with forcing our ideals upon others? Our personal milestones and timelines do not exist so we can hold others to them. They exist for us alone. And I’m aware, this is a massively cultural thing where if you aren’t hitched or popping out a football team before you hit a certain age, you’re suddenly riddled with deficiencies. But, who cares anymore? We’ve been raised with the phrase “what will people say?”, but for God’s sake, take a moment to realise that we ARE the people and we’re the only ones speaking. We are dragging ourselves through hell and high water for this version of reality that isn’t the same for everyone, and we need to stop.

It needs to stop.

I am exhausted by the constant need to navigate conversations away from these topics because the honest truth is, I don’t care. There is so much more to the world than marriage and children, and yet, we’ve let our mindsets be stuck in the stone ages. We need to get over ourselves and get out of this box we’ve drawn ourselves into because I don’t have very many dry laughs left in me to pretend to entertain these topics.

This space isn’t somewhere I ever thought I’d have a rant, but there we go. Call it an up close and personal moment. If anything in this post has offended you, I won’t apologise, but I will ask you this: why are you so troubled by the idea of someone else’s truth being different to yours?

May we all grow as individuals in the best way we know how, and may we never feel so entitled that we impose ourselves upon others.

3 COMMENTS

  1. When you getting married? 10 years time, you’ll be laughing at this article when you read this back to you 7 year daughter.

    • While I’m sure this was supposed to be well intentioned and an attempt at quirky humour, it was in poor form. Hope the next joke slaps though.

      • I put the form down to us bring from different generation, this new world kids are a bit sensitive you see and what may seem good somehow triggers a feminist in the current world we live in.

        “You’ve got to have kids in your twenties, your biological clock is ticking!” love that lol

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Ayesha Khanom

Sometimes a teacher, sometimes a student, but mostly caffeinated. This blog is a terrible attempt at writing out my thoughts - think of it as the 'comments, complaints, and suggestions' section of my brain. Nevertheless, I hope that some of these words will find a place in your heart and will stay with you even when I do not. If you'd like to get in touch, send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment on one of these posts and I'll get back to you at the best possible time.

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