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Sadness is not Linear




The thing about convincing yourself that you’re not really sad is that some mornings you’ll wake up feeling overcome and almost suffocated by the sadness. But, here’s the thing about sadness that nobody ever tells you: it is not linear, but neither are you. Like all things in life, it will come and go, and more often not, you will have literally no control over it.

But, I have a different perspective for you today. I came across a blogger this morning who is very different to the kind of people I normally read (I’m a sucker for the hopeless romance), but his content resonated so well with every fibre in my being that I felt it only necessary I share it with you guys too – and yes, I am aware that it is now August, and by writing this post, I’m technically fulfilling my promise to post at least once a month. So anyway, this blogger, he goes under the alias Musty Reviews, and frankly, has some of the most refreshing content you’ll read in a while. Obviously, all of the posts are super interesting, but the one I want to talk about today is called ‘Quran 3:173 – Worrying & Tawakkul‘.

In this article, Musty cites an interesting psychological study titled ‘The Glass‘, and at its crux is the fact that more often than not, the weight of something, especially psychological weight, can feel like nothing at the beginning, but the longer you hold onto it, the more it weighs down on you both physically and emotionally. And you know what? That really hit home for me.

For as long as you’ve all known me, whether it’s through virtual means or in person, I have always said that I need to let the things that I’ve carried with me through time go, but the truth is, I don’t think I ever did. It is always easier said than done; sometimes we let ourselves forget that there is so much more to us than the things and people who hold us back. But, here’s the hard to swallow truth for today: if I want to grow and flourish as a person, I need to put down all my worries and all my hurt with the one entity that I know will never hold it against me, because frankly He’s the reason I’m here and still alive despite it all.

Of course, while it’s important I put it all down so I can start afresh, it’s also important that I do not forget the lessons that life has taught me. All the things that have passed have shaped the person that I am today, and that is not something I would ever want to lose. The version of me that you all know now is the one I want to grow and refine because, if I’m brutally honest, it is my best version till date.

I know that for a lot of people, they won’t necessarily agree that this is my best version because I’m not bending over backwards to be there for them the same way I once used to be. But, this is me trying to live my most authentic life and flourish in the boundaries that I have set for myself so that I am no longer sponging off the opinions and ideas others have of me.

This is me, staying true to myself, and growing in, hopefully, what I can see as the light of God.

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Ayesha Khanom

Sometimes a teacher, sometimes a student, but mostly caffeinated. This blog is a terrible attempt at writing out my thoughts - think of it as the 'comments, complaints, and suggestions' section of my brain. Nevertheless, I hope that some of these words will find a place in your heart and will stay with you even when I do not. If you'd like to get in touch, send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment on one of these posts and I'll get back to you at the best possible time.

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