My Person

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For my fellow Grey’s Anatomy fans, you’ll all understand the ‘my person’ reference as the pinnacle of friendship and love as you know it But, for those of you who don’t, I’ll give you a quick rundown of this friendship between Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang through two of my favourite things that they say to and about each other during the show:

The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; because some ties are simply… meant to be.

– Meredith Grey.

And best of all:

She’s my person. This is not about getting her approval. It’s about telling her… if I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She’s my person.

– Cristina Yang.

Like these two, I also have my person.

I should explain something before I go on though. For a long time, I let myself be closed off to love and people who I felt were my world because the truth is, I didn’t feel deserving of a good love. I refused to let myself believe that I was worthy of good and that the people who love me do so regardless of how good or bad I think myself to be. But this, this was probably one of my life’s greatest mistakes. 3 entire years without my person (aka my aunt), and that hug in Euston Station on the 21st July made me feel like all of the bits of my soul I’d left in tatters were suddenly glued back together and radiating light upon light. My heart wept tears of pure love and joy, and it was in that moment that I realised that she was always home and the shell of the person I’d become would need to be given a new lease of life.

The honest to God truth is that my person makes me feel like coming home in ways I forgot I knew how. She is the stillness in the midst of all my storms; she makes me feel both loved and entirely free in one sweeping step. My person has been home for as long as I’ve known (even when I’d steal her Wagon Wheels as a kid and she’d wanna kill me haha), and everything that I am today is thanks to her.

There is something about being in the presence of my person that makes me feel like the most vulnerable, but also empowered, version of myself. She makes me feel like the world is mine, and I belong to it just as equally. The small problem with a grand love and a person like this in your life is that every other relationship pales in comparison. It becomes a reminder that I am deserving of more than the mediocre love that I have convinced myself I am worthy of. She is my living reminder that I am deserving of a grand love that will sweep me off my feet and carry me into the good night.

So, my person, I know you are probably reading this after having prayed Fajr and sat down for a few minutes to yourself. I hope in this moment you know that you are so incredibly loved. I made the mistake of leaving once and it cost me dearly, but never again. By the grace of Allah, we were given each other and I pray with every fibre in my being that I can prove myself worthy to both you and Him by being the best friend you have always loved relentlessly and unconditionally. We have had an incredible summer together and I have seen the way you carry both me and my monster in your heart, and I cannot wait for us all to be reunited so I can smother you both in hugs that you can’t wait to get out of.

I know this was an incredibly personal piece, but I hope that it will be a gentle reminder for you all to not make the same mistakes I did and settle for mediocre love. You are worth so much more and you are absolutely allowed to reach for it in every way you know how.

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Ayesha Khanom

Sometimes a teacher, sometimes a student, but mostly caffeinated. This blog is a terrible attempt at writing out my thoughts - think of it as the 'comments, complaints, and suggestions' section of my brain. Nevertheless, I hope that some of these words will find a place in your heart and will stay with you even when I do not. If you'd like to get in touch, send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment on one of these posts and I'll get back to you at the best possible time.

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