Apt April




April is always the month that denotes the changing of seasons and the scent of new beginnings filling the air. My April was no different. Well, I say that, but it was technically a month of change – though I think the only thing that really changed was me. And as much as it makes me wonder if I cope well with change, it makes me realise that it’s ok. Change is ok. I am ok.

A lot stayed the same this month. From the work that I do, to the people in my life. The daily commutes and the weekly routines. Nothing changed, and yet, everything looks different. And if I’m completely honest with you, it made me panic. Panic about what it means for me if I’m suddenly seeing the world differently. Panic about who will want to stay if I’m not experiencing the same world as them. Panic about anything. Panic about everything. But, the one phrase that kept (and continues to keep) me steady through it all is “and that’s ok” – to the man who introduced this phrase to me, if you’re reading this, you’re a pretty okayish legend.

It’s ok that I don’t feel ok. It’s ok that I am not seeing the same appeal of things as others. It’s ok that I am allowing myself to be more vulnerable. It’s ok that I have chosen people who I am willing to share my story with. It’s ok that I still worry about how they might think of me after it. It’s ok. Everything I am going through is ok. Everything is just what it is, and it is ok.

What you are going through is ok. The things that are happening to you and for you are ok. The difficult times you may be experiencing right now feel like they won’t pass and that’s ok. You will be ok, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

In the same way the seasons change and the moon goes through its phases, so will you.

May these April showers which have passed spring May flowers in your heart.

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Ayesha Khanom

Sometimes a teacher, sometimes a student, but mostly caffeinated. This blog is a terrible attempt at writing out my thoughts - think of it as the 'comments, complaints, and suggestions' section of my brain. Nevertheless, I hope that some of these words will find a place in your heart and will stay with you even when I do not. If you'd like to get in touch, send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment on one of these posts and I'll get back to you at the best possible time.

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