As I sit here cross legged on my bedroom floor, I cannot seem to help but think about how different life has seemed in recent days in comparison to a few months ago. I’m sure we’re all tired of saying unprecedented times by now, but it truly has been unprecedented in so many ways we never thought to be possible. We came into this in early 2020 off the backs of the chaotic storms with a version of normal that had us placed at the centre of a rat race that was speeding by whether or not we had a place in it. And yet, all of a sudden, that normal seems like such an outrageous concept. We’ve learnt that most jobs can be done from home with the same (if not more) level of efficiency, that we’ve all been entirely distant from the people in our lives despite their physical proximity, that there’s so much more to life if we choose to see it that way, but most importantly, that we all needed to be still for a little while to return to ourselves.

Over the past few days I’ve been enveloped by the desire to do nothing at all, and for the first time in years, I am enjoying this peace of mind. I cannot remember the last time my mind hasn’t felt the need to be working at 200mph and juggling a million and one things, but we’re here now, and I am so grateful. I am so grateful that I can call my friends and say “can we do nothing together?” without feeling like I am burdening them. And that’s a big thing for me.

I pride myself on being self-sufficient and more often than not, this means ensuring I am able to fall back on myself without feeling like I am burdening or stressing others out when they have their own baggage to deal with. But, it took me a long time to learn that the people in our lives extend a hand out of love, not out of compulsion. It took me an even longer amount of time to learn to accept this in my life. This is a massive indicator of growth for me, and though I always celebrate the wins of others, I am finally taking a moment to memorialise my own. To acknowledge that as the flowers bloom despite the changing seasons, I too am growing and changing as each day goes by.

Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.

Gerard De Nerval

Life is massively different for us all right now, but I hope and pray that we have all been able to come out of it with at least one thing that has changed for the better since this pandemic began. If it’s getting difficult to see past the current moment and into a future that seems wildly unknown at the moment, I want you to sit down and make a list. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for right now. No thinking, no ifs and buts, just all the things that you are grateful for in the here and now. It sounds airy fairy, I know, but think of it this way – shifting your perspective on life towards one that is based around gratitude does wonders for one’s state of mind.

My loves, may we all grow even in the darkness.

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Ayesha Khanom

Sometimes a teacher, sometimes a student, but mostly caffeinated. This blog is a terrible attempt at writing out my thoughts - think of it as the 'comments, complaints, and suggestions' section of my brain. Nevertheless, I hope that some of these words will find a place in your heart and will stay with you even when I do not. If you'd like to get in touch, send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment on one of these posts and I'll get back to you at the best possible time.

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