Growing up, there was a real disconnect between my spirituality and physical acts of worship because I really didn’t know where I was and who I wanted to be. But, the older I get, the more I realise that I want to be for others who I needed as a child. Part and parcel of being this person for me is definitely being able to create resources and opportunities that are accessible for all.
By taking on these projects to explore elements of my faith and strengthen my understanding of Islam, I am allowing myself to understand the ways in which my faith has always complemented my life despite my resistance, and the ways in which it can guide me.
It is in the country's untouched beauty and the gentle mannerisms of the people that I could see the essence of my faith being echoed. In the peals of laughter from schoolchildren in the playground, the gentle hum of the prayers being recited at the masjid close by, and the sound of the waves crashing against the sand, I felt my heart swell with joy and contentment at this life that I have been gifted with and this land that I have lived upon.
I've been very weary about making this PSA of sorts, but I am too exhausted by life as it is to not be honest about who I am and what I believe in, y'know? And I know, I know that I've always been very particular about vocalising certain elements of my faith and where I am in terms of my spirituality because I believe it is such a personal thing that doesn't need a public opinion on it, BUT I've changed my mind. My head is so much clearer and my heart so much softer, and I am genuinely content with the person I've become and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this has only been possible by the grace of my Lord.
There's this feeling I can't really describe of being surrounded by people who love you enough to not force you to abandon parts of yourself to love them. They love you despite yourself and if anything, bring you so much closer to who you are by cultivating a space where you can just be. I am so grateful for my aunt and my grandmother who are, slowly but surely, bringing me back to myself.
I want you to know that I have more love than you know for each and every single person who takes out a little time in their day to listen to the absolute waffle that I have to share. You have been integral to my growth as a person, whether I've actively expressed this to you or not, so thank you. I hope the following will find a place in your heart just like you have in mine.
The days are dark, and the light seems as though it will never shine upon us, but we’re going to power through anyway and hold on to the most powerful thing we have, hope. The tides will inevitably change, and our paths will too often stray from the linear one we’d hoped for it to stay on, but that isn’t always a bad thing; sometimes what we need is different to what we want and it is in the right timing and situation that all which is right for us will align and make its self apparent.
On the good days and the bad, I reached out for my comfort book and read it cover to cover until my little brain pleaded with me to change it up a bit and read something new. But, my goodness, that book changed me.
And that’s the biggest difference in this new year of life. For so long I have lived for everyone else that I forgot that I’m a person too, and I deserve to be cared for by me.
On some mornings I still stand in front of the mirror for a minute too long and have to fight the urge to knock all of these products off the sink, but I have to take a moment to remind myself that this is for me. It hasn't always been for me, but it is now. I owe it to myself to be kind to my body, mind, and soul.
