HELLO, FOLKS. I cannot explain to you all the joy I am experiencing right now while typing on this blog; around two years ago I lost all access to this account and by chance, on the very same day I lost all of my handwritten journals that I’d accumulated over the years to water damage (shoutout to the leaky heater in that silly little house I’ll never speak of again) and basically, I cried like a baby at the loss that felt like it was happening all at once. Admittedly, in hindsight it was never really that serious, but in that moment, it was everything. In my personal life I found myself quietening my own voice to make space for others (note to self, this act of kindness for others is often unkind to your own self, let’s never repeat this) and so the blog and the journals were my only ways of documenting my thoughts; my penned thoughts were the only way I could remind myself that I wasn’t going insane in the silence I suffocated myself with and that there was a reason behind choosing to be quiet. But, that time has passed and a beloved friend has recovered this blog now AND I’M SO BACK. Though I write in my journal daily, I missed writing here and honestly, what better way to kick things off than a summary of 2024 because it really was quite the year.

Let me take us on the trip down memory lane together; just before 2024 began, I moved back in with my parents after a particularly distasteful experience (that I will not be rehashing any time soon) and I had to unlearn and relearn the habits of living with people who have some entitlement of your life and presence. Then, I decided to take a sabbatical for two months (lies, I actually wanted to quit my job but was advised to take a break instead because I might feel better for it), and while I thought I was ready to return to work, the first week back had me dry heaving and struggling to breathe more often than is considered healthy (the healthy amount being zero times, just FYI). So, I gave it two more months to tie up all my loose ends and I was out of there and feeling more liberated than ever. All of a sudden I could breathe deeper, my mind was quieter, and I wasn’t living life in a state of fight or flight – essentially, what quitting my job did was regulate my nervous system again (crazy, I know). Then came two months of unemployment (two months is clearly a key theme for 2024…). During this time, I learned how to find myself again. The me that was lost for so many years because I’d spent so much time and energy reducing myself into someone who doesn’t take up space and isn’t too much for others – I think about this now and I feel profoundly sad and angry for my younger self, I did not deserve that. In these two months, I tried new things, ditched the old, and found a version of me that lights up at the thought of living.

And then came (the end of) June. It was on a Wednesday, in a cafe, where I watched it all begin again – see what I did there, Swifties? I remember being unwell and needing to leave a mat Pilates class halfway because I thought I was going to puke and as I left the studio, I spotted a new cafe across the Square. If you know me well, you know I’m weak for a good coffee shop with the right vibes (don’t ask me what they are, you can just feel it when you walk into a place) so it was a no brainer that I walk in here for a coffee and a little treat. One thing led to another, and next thing you know, I’m standing behind a till with my first ever job in hospitality at the ripe age of 28 after cracking a joke with the owner about not minding a job.

For as long as I remember, I have always said that my dream job when I’m ready to relax in life would be in a coffee shop and lo and behold, that’s what I’ve been doing for the last 6 months of my life. Here, I’ve found purpose and belonging. I have made new friends, learned from people who I would never have met in any other walk of life, and realised that I thrive in spaces that I feel safe and heard in. Yes, it is one of the most physically demanding jobs I’ve worked as an adult, and yes, sometimes I have interactions that make my inside voice scream about common sense, but I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. The people here, both the team and our stream of customers, have their hearts in the right place and they remind me daily of a soft love. They remind me that God exists in all the details of our life, and they too, are physical manifestations of a Divine Love.

While the latter part of 2024 did break me on a personal level and rob me of my spark, I know now that I have taken stock of all that has come and gone and am ready to return to my era of revival. For too long I have done myself a disservice by ignoring the logical part of my brain, but fortunately for us all, I have received my (metaphorical) slap in the face and as Eddie Abbew would say, I need to “wake the f**k up”.

So, here we are. Starting 2025 off settled and sure. The days are dark, and the light seems as though it will never shine upon us, but we’re going to power through anyway and hold on to the most powerful thing we have, hope. The tides will inevitably change, and our paths will too often stray from the linear one we’d hoped for it to stay on, but that isn’t always a bad thing; sometimes what we need is different to what we want and it is in the right timing and situation that all which is right for us will align and make its self apparent.

Here’s to a new year of life, may it bring the love and light we all deserve.